What matters most to you, and why? (Stanford)

What Matters Most To You, And Why?

I distinctly recall the hatbox where my dad saved reminders of our family’s service in the Marine Corps. I was fascinated by the meaning of each medal and faded photo. My early desires for adventure, grew into a journey to embrace the integrity those artifacts represent. A family story from the Korean War showed me that integrity is the confluence of my values and the ability to act in accordance no matter the situation. Integrity matters most to me, because it helps me navigate life’s ambiguity.

My reflection on integrity arose from a story about my grandfather’s service as a Special Forces Team Leader in Korea. As I heard his story about one mission where his team was ordered to shoot without provocation into suspected enemy areas – I saw that leadership demands more than just doing what is ordered. He couldn’t justify the high potential for injuries to innocent civilians, and when his superiors told him the order stood, he disobeyed; he took his team out, set up security for the night, and simply reported mission completion. I recognized the significance of this at a young age: integrity transcends mere honesty – it’s about embodying values no matter the situation.

Over time, I learned integrity is grounded in self-awareness. In the second phase of my Marine Corps training, I failed what is called “peers”; a peer-review of your leadership style can vote you off the team. I would get another attempt, but I came to tears because I was rejected. My dad sent me an encouraging letter, with a simple acronym to remind me to focus on my values: STOP-P … Smile, Think, Observe, Plan - Pray. It reminded me the best way to deal with challenge is understand myself first. I restarted my training using “STOP-P”, stopped leading through a stereotypical authoritative approach, and was received positively as a leader. Simply put, I learned the power of having a basic guide to approaching a challenge – one that is grounded in integrity.

In the years since, I’ve leaned on my integrity as the Marine Corps placed a renewed focus on data to justify success. I took over a 90-Marine unit and eagerly led a project to quantifiably assess how my teams perform under pressure. We dove into the research and developed new training methods with the help of a cognitive performance psychologist, behavioral psychologist, bio-sensors, and augmented reality. I felt energy as my Marines used visualization, data, and mental cues to excel at their tasks.

Presenting the data proved more challenging. On one hand, operational staff wanted a direct link to benchmark metrics, such as weapons proficiency, and they were inherently skeptical of the new methods. Strategic leaders insisted that innovation doesn’t always link to metrics. I recognized that uncontrolled variables prevented a causal link to benchmark metrics; a correlation existed, but couldn’t prove causation, as some leaders demanded. I tried to tell the story using surveys and anecdotes – qualitative data, and even saw a competing leader-development program tweak their qualitative data to justify success, but given my belief in integrity, I chose to be candid and not feed data aimlessly. I sacrificed “success,” to highlight the depth of this human-focused problem to strategic leaders. My candor won our team renewed strategic interest, and I was assigned to continue the effort in my next leadership position.

As I prepare to leave the Marine Corps, I’ve learned integrity matters to me most because it is a guide to our fast-paced world. As technology continues to shape our world, I believe integrity is paramount. Like so many powerful ideas, integrity is simple, yet abstract. Linking integrity to past generations, and rooting it in mental cues such as STOP-P, I have perpetual reminders that integrity matters to me most.